Monday, 25 February 2008

The Language of Football: Part 3

Game On!

As in, “Game On!”

Principally used during commentary on matches involving “big” teams, as these are guaranteed to produce higher-quality and more exciting football. This will usually have been confirmed via the preceding weeks’ television build-up.

The phrase "Game On!" will be ejaculated, with masculine triumphalism, not upon commencement of the game, nor even when the first goal is scored, but typically when the first equaliser is scored. It’s as though the commentator (burgeoning hysteria barely concealing his relief that the hype may about to be justified) is announcing: “Look! Two of the best teams EVER! ON THE PLANET! And they can BOTH score goals! HANG ON EVERYBODY!”

The use of this phrase also infers that the dour, ultra-defensive fare witnessed prior to this moment was merely a football version the spectacle preceding many Tour De France stages (no, not ceremonial syringe-swapping), where the riders trundle along for a few miles prior to the commencement of actual racing, in a part warm-up / part PR exercise.

Logically, at 1-1 the likelihood of any given outcome is the same as it was at the kick-off. Yet we’re supposed to believe because both sides have now scored, that the intensity and excitement levels are about to become almost unbearable - heck, your television set might even explode - and that we now undeniably have “A GAME OF FOOTBALL ON OUR HANDS.”

Not to be confused with:
Game Over! - announced by the commentator when he wishes to inform us that, by virtue of the intricate relationship between the score, the respective teams’ abilities, and the remaining playing time – a relationship only he can properly evaluate - the result of this match cannot and will not change.

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